Double Bagger

Zeets phoned in from the bowels of DC.

“They passed this law that puts a five cent fee on each bag you use at a store. The city’s already made something like $150K off it.”

“Leftie fascists.”

“So I’m standing in line at Giant and don’t have a reusable bag with pictures of basil on it because I’m not a fag. The herb in front of me doesn’t have a reusable bag either. When the cashier asks if he needs a bag he hangs his head down in shame and sheepishly says yes. He couldn’t make eye contact with anyone.”

“So this is the new SWPL status signal, the reusable bag?”

“I hate them all. Anyhow, there’s a line of fifteen yuppies behind me. The cashier asks if I need a bag. With my head held high I proudly say ‘Yes, I want a bag. And double bag the milk.’”

“I like the use of the word ‘want’ instead of ‘need’. Very sly.”

“Thank you. I made sure to scan the line when I said it. I wanted those herbs to cower in fear.”

“Did you grunt a little for emphasis?”

“There was a genital display as well. When you walk down the streets here all the shamed-faced hipsters with plastic bags try to hide them in their coats or behind their backs so people don’t notice. This country needs a good, cleansing total war.”

Filed under: Alpha, The Big City Life