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Relationship Advice From A Supermodel

An Australian supermodel, Miranda Kerr, has put together a list of tips men should follow to keep their women happy and their relationships strong. (Article courtesy of reader J.N.)

Kerr revealed her top 10 romance tips to readers of AskMen.com, who voted her most desirable Australian woman in the world. They are:

1. Buy the right size

2. Listen to her

3. Connect with her

4. Know what you want

5. Don’t be afraid to show her love

6. Tell her she is beautiful and romance her

7. Get a baby sitter

8. Be healthy

9. Pamper her

10. Treat her like a goddess

Fascinating! In the interest of generous reciprocation, I offer my list of Chateau-approved tips for women to help keep the romance alive in their relationships.

1. Spend his money to buy yourself clothes in the right size. Men like it when they are made to feel like dutiful ATMs.

2. Talk to him. Constantly.

3. Connect with him emotionally. Sex should be an afterthought to connection.

4. Know what you want from him.

5. Don’t be afraid to withdraw love. Men like to chase.

6. Tell him he is your best friend. Punctuate with warm hug and three pats on the back.

7. Get a baby sitter so that he may spend lots of money on you at fancy restaurants and the theater so that you return home too tired for sex.

8. Be healthy. Duh. This needed its own tip?

9. Ignore him.

10. Treat him like a therapist… who also happens to be penis-less.

~~~

Naturally, Chateau decorum insists on the utmost adherence to sarcasm when the moment calls for it. This was on of those moments. The lovely Miranda Kerr’s list may as well have been titled “Top 10 Romance Tips for Men Who are Already Alpha Enough to Afford Handicapping Their Attractiveness”, or perhaps “Bottom 10 Romance Tips for Beta Males Who Yearn for the Closure of Being Dumped”.

Similarly, my list would work great for 9s and 10s who are dating men so grateful to be with them that the men will put up with all sorts of shit. For the rest of womankind, my romance tips would have any man with a shred of dignity and a molecule of testosterone left in his sack running for the hills.

Kerr’s list — and just about all female relationship advice — neatly demonstrates one of the Chateau’s maxims:

CR Maxim #57: Never trust a woman’s advice on how to please women. Her advice is designed for alpha men she already finds attractive and from whom she seeks signals of attainability and commitment.

Corollary to Maxim #57: A woman’s sex and relationship advice isn’t meant to help men; it’s meant to distract men from what really works to turn women on.

Filed under: Relationships, Ridiculousness